I Just Want to Go Back to Hell

by You Vandal



Available on vinyl, CD, and digital formats at jumpstartrecords.bandcamp.com/album/i-just-want-to-go-back-to-hell


released November 17, 2017

Recorded at Black Bear Studios in Gainesville, FL
Engineered, mixed, and mastered by Ryan Williams
Artwork by Daniel Williams
Released on Jump Start Records


all rights reserved



You Vandal Gainesville

vocals, bass

contact / help

Contact You Vandal

Streaming and
Download help

Track Name: Quite the Actor
You can put me on the record:
I know it's just an act.
You act so humble to my face,
then not so much behind my back.
You run your mouth
while I run off to sing your praises.
It might not be polite to call you out,
but pardon me for lacking your graces.

Inside voices.
Mind your manners.
Act right, kid.
You're quite the actor.

Strike my comments if you prefer.
No, let's not make a scene.
You've got a knack for drama.
I lack the effort to pretend I take you seriously
when you talk all about how you're in this for fun;
“not trying to be cool or impress anyone.”
You keep saying it, you do.
That doesn't make it true.

I'll say it again like I've said it before:
you act like you're awesome behind closed doors.
Will you do me a favor and let this be done?
Drop the facade, 'cause you're not fooling anyone.
Track Name: Collapse
I'd saw my own skull off, then rest it in your lap
so you'd never have to guess where my head's at.
You scoff, but let the weight roll off the shoulders
and yourself be done with doubt.
If you think you're not the one I think about, you're wrong.
You're so dead wrong, when...

all I want to do is call you my girl, and wrap
my arms around you, and watch the world collapse.

I howl only in vowels, 'cause I hacked right through the cord.
Now the synapses won't fire anymore,
and that's fine as long as I can lay eyes on you.
Everything could burn and fade,
but forever on my mind is where you'd stay.
I hope you feel the same way, when...

A, E, I, O, U, sometimes
why won't you stay off my mind?
Track Name: Car & Driver
Who would've guessed a car repossessed would drive
a grown man to point a barrel to his chest, and then...
Who would've guessed a car repossessed would drive
a grown man to put a bullet through his (own) chest.

I remember driving in the Blazer;
heart in a race.
Hurried to get to your place,
not expecting that I'd never see your face;
only your body wheeled out in a bag.
My head: buried in my hands.
Neighbors spectate from the lawn,
mouths agape looking on...
and I'm in the back of this '96 Chevy thinking:
“It must be bad, if their jaws are such heavy lifting.”

I remember driving home,
taking a moment to pause.
While contemplating your loss,
I poured some salt in my wounds
while they were still raw.
So, did you go get your father's gun?
The one and only son.
Take it out back on the deck just for the heck of it?
Sit in your favorite chair,
breathe in December air,
exhale, relax, and pull the trigger back?

Could you see the end over a repo'd Benz?
Track Name: Get High
Tell me you've got two kids now and your life is great.
Well, I heard different, but that's okay.
You got hooked on pills and then you fled the state.
You're still insane.
I guess it's true: I thought people could change,
but then I met you and I lost that faith.
But you're all good now, you claim.
Whatever you say.

You say:
“I'll get high, if I want to...
way off on my own, if I want to.
I'll cut lines, if I want to...
pop oxycodone, if I want to.”

Tell me it's no big deal; it was a short-lived phase;
you're all cleaned up now back on base.
For your family's sake, I hope that's the case...
but you're insane.
I'm apathetic; you tend to jade everyone
around you with your desperate plays.
But you're all good now, you claim.
Whatever you say.

I'm apathetic; you tend to jade everyone
around you with your desperate plays.
And yes, it's true I thought people could change,
but then I met you and you always say...
Track Name: Down for Whatever
I first saw you across the room and thought:
“By now, my lesson's learned.”
But still I drank myself stupid enough to mutter words,
and for some reason you spoke back.
You must not have known that I'm a curse.
Watch and observe; I'll prove you're more than I deserve, but...

I'm down for whatever if you're down for the same
and I'll try not to blow this while it's going my way,
'cause I know you're a shot worth taking.
Steady my aim, move (way) too fast, and say I want you to stay.

I let this happen. I'm rotten.
Tied that noose around my neck
and gently sank to the bottom of a sea of regret.
Another good thing I'll ruin.
I'm still not used to screwing up all that I love.
One day you'll hate my guts, but until then...
Track Name: Hang Up the Phone
I'd leave right now if you told me to;
drop everything and run back to you,
'cause the bucket-seats and the hotel floors
pale next to that smile of yours.

You just called to say you hate me being gone.
I ought to know there's a void to be found
when your boy's not around,
so I'm not going to hang up the phone.

I'll make it home in eight hours, though
the maps say twenty when they unfold.
Some motives maps can't account for,
like getting back to a hand to hold.
Track Name: Morbid
December 14th, I could say
I know my father's corpse today.
It cut right through me like a knife.
It felt more like the end of my own life.

I don't feel anything anymore.
I don't feel anything right.

December 15th, I'd report
I felt that quick hit to the core
burst through my gut and past my spine.
Time doesn't heal all wounds;
it just helps them find a place to hide.

I know it's morbid.
I know exactly how it sounds.
Track Name: Sorry
Wake me up; it must be a dream.
It would've blown my mind when I was seventeen
that I'd go on to meet someone like you.
Not so fast...
Wait it out; I'll rip this all to shreds.
Over nothing at all, I go and lose my head.
It's so typical of me to do.

I'll cut off my ear and put it in a box
as a gift to you, 'cause you're a total fox.
And I'm sorry I'm a jerk when we have these talks,
but I regret it all as soon as our eyes lock.
Now the blood-soaked rags in the trash are thrown.
I take bandages to cover up the bone...
but your diamond eyes look so alone
and make me always regret my tone.

I'll make it up, if you give me the chance.
I'm not so bad... at least I don't think I am.
I keep on keeping it hard to believe.
Maybe you can find it in your heart
to look past the fact that I'm such a massive idiot.
You're still all that matters to me.
Track Name: One to Talk
Have you no decency at all?
The least that you could do
right now is return my call.
Remember when we said,
“best friends from now until the end?”
How quickly we forget it...
How quickly we fall.

You're one to talk about not being impressed.
What's so impressive about being a mess?
And you can bet I wasn't speaking in jest
when I stressed: at very best, you're still
the worst person that I've ever met.

You show no courtesy. I crawl
across the floor, knife in my back.
You deny your fault.
Stones cast from under dark.
Your passive aggressive remarks
are nothing more than bark.
You're nothing at all.

Remember when we said,
“best friends from now until the end?”
Replace “best friends” with “dread.”
Pray you won't see my face again.
Track Name: Ready to Go
Your downward gaze and sunken eyes
are dead giveaways you feel dead inside.
Don't be too afraind to say,
“baby, let's just run away.”

I'm ready to go when you're ready to go.
Just say the word; we'll make a break and no return.

Take yourself miles from all the hurt,
or make yourself at home under the dirt.
Don't be surprised when you've found
yourself alive above ground.

Call when you've made up your mind.
I'll be your ride; drive us all night long.
Stare in the rear-view mirror
'til the hell-hole lights have faded and we're gone.
Track Name: Dark Spot
You never mentioned you were getting married.
It might have been nice to know.
It might have been nice
to get an invitation to your wedding.
It would have been hell of a show to watch
you go from all alone to part of “man and wife.”
The forecast called for rain.
Today began the rest of your life,
but to me it's only Saturday.

Would I be such a dark spot on your brightest day?
We left the past the past, but you held it against me anyway.
Or maybe I'm wrong; you just long forgot me.
Now all those heart-to-hearts drunk in parking lots are so
meaningless and disconnected.
We're meaningless.
I wish you both the best, but I'm done.

Enjoy your honeymoon 'cross the Atlantic.
In Paris, you'll kiss the ground.
In Paris, you'll kiss
the love of your life in completed transit.
Take in the Eiffel Tower. Paint the town red.
A window opened and a door closed
on the Champs-Elysees.
Seven days from now, you'll come home...
to me that's just a Saturday.

Whether in sickness or in health,
I pray you both keep well...
I pray you both keep well away from me.
Whether in heaven or in hell,
you won't find me.
I'll keep myself so far away;
as far away as far away could be.
Track Name: Still the Same
Toss out all of my things.
Throw me in the hole.
You might call me rash.
I'd call you right.
Yeah, that's just how I roll
when all my wants I once longed for
broke up like empties
and there's just emptiness in store.

A damn shame: there's no one left but me to blame.
A damn shame: my penchant for disaster is still the same.

I just want to go back to hell.

Time got the best of me.
I dozed off for a sec,
then arose to realize the roof caved in.
I'm left a hopeless wreck.
Serves me right; I've burned these eyes
bloodshot and sore, staring at
patterns of shattered glass on wooden boards.

I just want to go back to hell,
where everyone thinks I'm smart and funny.
I just want to go back to hell,
where everyone is still the same.